


God Help the Outcast

by pandorabox82



Category: New Amsterdam (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:09:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23264479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: Karen always had a feeling that Max would be the one to call her out, she just never thought that he would be the one to help her pick up the pieces of her broken heart.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	God Help the Outcast

Karen let out a light sigh as she stared down into her glass of wine. She knew that she should be putting on a happy display for their potential donors, that the point of these fundraisers was to sparkle and shine and be a glittering personality that would garner the most money as possible for their hospital. It was a battle she looked forward to, normally, but this was not a normal fundraiser. Doctor Sharpe had been correct in her belief that hearing the truth from those children about their fears following their ordeal with cancer, but that had lent a melancholy air to the room, and it had seemed so trite to try and entreaty those gathered to dig deep into their coffers and give until it hurt.

Feeling eyes on her, Karen looked up from her glass to see that Max had finally decided to grace them with his presence. She tried not to frown, knowing that he had been extremely harried the entire day, but she still felt like he was going to be the death of her. Raising her glass slightly at him, Karen took a long sip of the wine, finishing off what was in the glass before trading it for a fresh glass from the passing server. Still, Max's eyes were on her, and she tugged at the neckline of her gown, feeling awkward and gauche in comparison to the crisp coolness of his white suit. And though she hated it, Karen broke their stare first, turning her head to answer the question that had been posed of her with a patently false smile dancing on her lips.

"Would you care to dance?"

The perpetual thorn in her side had to come up in that moment, when she was least prepared to deal with him, and Karen shuddered a little before draining the rest of her wine and setting the glass on a free table before looking up into his face. "I would enjoy that, Max." He nodded as he held out his hand to her. His skin was surprisingly warm and soft, and she took a deep breath as he led her out into the middle of the dance floor. Max's arm closed perfunctorily around her waist, holding her at an appropriate distance. Still, the warmth from his hand bled through the thin material of her dress, and she breathed in deeply through her nose as she tried not to react.

"This is going well," he said as they moved in time to the rhythm of the song, and she nodded absently, feeling discombobulated by being in this position. Karen knew that something had changed between them recently, that she had started viewing him differently since he had gone toe to toe with the supplier of their medications, but she hadn't realized just what impact that thawing had had until this moment, in his arms, dancing to an entirely too sweet piece of classical music.

"It is. I'm glad that Doctor Sharpe was able to convince the children to speak on their fears, as I feel it truly brought home just how brave they are for continuing to fight against a monster in their body that wants them dead. That is a strength that some adults do not have."

She hated the feeling of her throat clogging with tears, hated that she was trapped in a throng of people with someone who she was only just starting to grudgingly respect and admire, and she struggled to keep from making a scene, from pulling away from him and fleeing into the crowd only to find a safe space to let herself sob for something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. "Karen?"

A part of her didn't want to acknowledge that he had said anything, wanted to ignore him, but he took that option away from her when he slowly pulled her closer to his chest, in a move that seemed almost sheltering. This caused her lower lip to tremble traitorously, and he nodded a little before shifting his hand higher on her back, splaying it outwards as he gently encouraged her to come closer to him. This time, she took the opening, resting her cheek against his chest as she valiantly tried to keep from outright sobbing. "It's been a hell of a day," she finally was able to murmur as she swallowed the hard lump in her throat.

"That it has," he replied before he rested his head atop hers. They continued to sway to the slow songs that were being played, and finally Karen found herself able to get control back over herself. "Would you like to get something to eat?"

"Yes." He nodded before stepping away from her. She instantly missed the warmth of his sheltering presence, and he seemed to pick up on that distress, as he slid his hand around to her arm before slipping down it to grab hold of her hand, lightly clasping it as they went over to the refreshment tables.

Though she was genuinely hungry, Karen found herself only putting a few things on her plate before drifting over to a table and taking a seat. Max was there a few moments later, and he flagged down a server and grabbed two fresh glasses of wine for them. This would be her fifth that evening, and she knew that her inhibitions were starting to lower as a result of the alcohol, so she hoped that she wouldn't embarrass herself if he decided to spend much longer in her presence. "You don't have to hold yourself back, Karen. If you want to cry, it is okay to let yourself cry."

"I can't do that, Max. There is this feeling that if I did just that, I might never stop." There it was, her inability to keep her words in her mouth when she was slightly drink, and she let out a disappointed sigh as she looked away from him to stare into her glass once more, trying to will her lower lip into tightening, to not tremble, not give away just how close she was to completely breaking down. A part of her knew that if he dared to touch her, she would lose her grip on the rapidly thinning filament of her control. And then, his hand was reaching out and hovering above her hand, and she knew that the moment she least wanted was coming far too soon. Slowly closing her eyes, she awaited the feel of his skin against hers once more, and once he made contact, the first tears began to course down her face.

"Here, let's find somewhere a little more secluded," Max said kindly as he took hold of her hand and gently guided her to her feet. A small pang of regret needled her heart when they left their wine behind, and Karen tried to pull away from him in order to grab another small bit of liquid courage. "You don't need any more wine right now, Karen."

The fact that his words were kind and gentle just seemed to make the dull throb of pain in her chest worse, and she nodded even as she frowned. Somehow, he managed to guide them through the crowd unseen, and she was grateful that no one stopped them, or even gave them a second glance as they exited the ballroom and started down the hall, only for him to stop them in front of the wall of pictures, the last place she wanted to be when she was feeling so fragile. "Max," she said sharply, finding anger to be an easier emotion to deal with in that second than acknowledging the coming tsunami of grief.

"I didn't see it right away. It was hidden, blending in with all the other pictures of people who were lost. But as I kept returning to this place, studying the faces in turn, I finally found it, found you. You commanded me to do better, Karen."

"It was too tall an order, and I was tilting at windmills. You can't fight against a system designed to always grind you down. You can't command someone you love to be well." Her words hitched in her throat as she started to cry a little harder, trying to find a way to flee from his presence, knowing that she was too close to the edge now to come back from it. He picked up on her distress and tightened his hold on her hand, holding her in place.

Slowly, Karen turned her head to look up into his eyes, shuddering a little at the understanding, sorrowful, look there. A choked sob broke from her lips, and then he was practically crushing her against his chest, allowing her to breathe in the scent of his cologne as she started to cry in earnest. Somehow, he managed to maneuver them over to a secluded corner, sheltering her from anyone who might be passing by. "Sometimes, you have to keep tilting at windmills, because that's the only way you can affect change. It hurts, it can seem pointless, but eventually you can find a way through." Vaguely, she started to feel his hand rubbing her back in gentle circles, attempting to soothe her, and she took a few deep breaths, hating how they caught in her throat. "Was she your daughter?"

"Yes. We tried to get her all the help that we could, every rehab, every program, but nothing ever stuck. And then other things fell by the wayside, and I've ended up crying in your arms like a fool."

He held her closer, and it felt like for the first time in years, someone was really there for her. "It is never foolish to cry, and rage, and grieve. You lost someone very dear to you, and I can only understand a small piece of that sorrow. If I lost Luna now, after losing Georgia, I don't think I could move on."

"Oh." She rubbed her cheek against his shirt, hoping that her foundation wasn't transferring onto it. "I could have been a grandmother in a few years. At least you have that to look forward to now?"

"Yes." To her immense shock, Max moved his head so that he could kiss the crown of her hair, and that tender expression caused her to start crying harder once more. "I hate trying to find silver linings in my sorrow, Karen. And I hate that you had to do that as well. You know what, Luna is with a sitter this evening, and I don't have to be home for another four hours. How about we head to a late-night diner and drown our sorrows in milkshakes and greasy fries?"

"You don't want to spend more time with me than you have to. Remember, we hate each other."

"And you, Karen, are trying to distance yourself from whatever our working relationship is mutating into. I rather like us working as partners, not adversaries. And yes, I do want to spend more time with you, because I have this tiny little feeling that we will work together better if we get along better. I can play nice, can you?"

There was a challenge in that question, and she felt her back straighten a little as she pulled away from him and arched an eyebrow upwards. "If I have the proper motivation, yes." Max laughed as he nodded. "We'll look so out of place!"

"Oh, Karen, did you never go out following prom?" She shook her head. "Well, you're about to have one of the ubiquitous experiences of my high school career then. If people stare, that's on them. We're both adults, and we don't need anyone to validate our choices."

"You'll just keep picking away at me until I say yes, won't you?"

He nodded, giving her that sweet little smile that charmed everyone, herself included, though she wouldn't ever tell him that. "That seems to be what I'm best at. Please?"

"Fine," she breathed out, her shoulders slumping a little in defeat, though she wasn't truly upset at being taken somewhere else, somewhere she wouldn't think about death and sorrow, hopefully. "But you are paying."

"Of course, I'm the one that asked," he replied as he took hold of her hand and led her to the doors, hailing a cab and bundling them off into the night. And for once, Karen found that she didn't mind his charming, teasing, wheedling, personality, as it was precisely what she needed that evening. And a small part of her hoped that this might truly be the start of a new phase to their relationship. After all, the time for bitterness and acrimony seemed to have come to an end, now that he knew her secret sorrow. As he opened the taxi door for her, Karen reached out and pressed her hand against his chest before lifting herself up on the balls of her feet and kissing his lips quickly. Blushing a little, she climbed into the vehicle and pressed her lips together in a firm line as she waited for him to join her, certain she had just messed everything up. Once more, Max surprised her by taking hold of her hand as he told the driver where he wanted to go and then he threaded their fingers together and rested their entwined hands on his thigh, his thumb tapping against hers in time to the music. Daring to look over at him, she saw that he was smiling and she felt her lips turn upwards in return as the worry and embarrassment fled her body and she began to look forward to what was ahead for them.


End file.
